“She was just an innocent…

…how could you God they cried, the day that Farrah Fawcett died.”

Those lyrics are from the song The Day Farrah Fawcett Died by punk band The Vandals. The song is about the shock and disbelief one person feels at the loss of this beautiful and courageous woman, and how he cannot accept that she is dead. In his resistance to accept her death he invents all kinds of scenarios, like a government cover up, or an intruder, or denies the official story as in, “they say the road was icy but that just don’t add up.”

The song also references the popular “they come in threes” theory put forth by conspiracy theorists, and popularized by the close assassinations of President John F. Kennedy (Nov. 22, 1963), Doctor Martin Luther King , Jr.(Apr. 4, 1968) and Senator Robert Kennedy (June 6, 1968), to add to the narrator’s paranoid conspiracy theorist’s authenticity as well as his frighteningly…

…coincidentally….

…semi-accurate …

…luck prediction that the death of Farrah Fawcett would result be surrounded by two other deaths. In the song, Bobby Kennedy does not die. Farrah Fawcett takes his place, but the point is still well made: three public figures were killed as the result of a conspiracy.

Of course this claim of conspiracy is almost totally without merit, but hey, it could be true, and events in the past two days, especially today, support a conspiracy claim. What once was a joke (a good one, even) and too ridiculous to ever be considered seems to have come true, in a vague sense: Farrah.

Still, you have to acknowledge The Vandals coincidental precognition in this matter, and admit that it is funny in a morbid way, like being raped by a clown because you made fun of his shoes. Admit it you would laugh at someone getting raped by a clown because of a shoe insult (or at least the idea of it. You’re laughing right now, I know it).

like this clown for instance, tell me that he wouldn't rape you on principle, no matter what you said.

After all, if you are going to make fun 0f a clown’s over sized red shoes that make him look like a human duck when he walks, then you should expect for him to rape your ass (in this instance, ass does not refer to the anal area of the human body, but rather as the vulgar colloquialism for a person/body. So really, I could have just written rape you instead of rape your ass, but it seems to me that the latter holds more weight. It could simply be because of the use of vulgarity, which is somewhat funny, but definitely not original, inspired, or creative. I suppose, if I wanted to have the same meaning, but use language that is less vulgar than rape your ass while still being able to communicate the same idea I would. Unfortunately, I am not that creative.

But I digress…

So Farrah Fawcett died today, the third celebrity death in a week, and one of two on the same day.

The King of Pop, Michael Jackson, also died today from “unclear circumstances” He was found in his home, “not breathing.” Sounds fishy to me. (though his death violates the “they come in threes” theory because of David Carradine and Ed Mcmahon’s deaths earlier this month, but I guess that just makes this guy:

Before he got all freaky and started feeding off of the souls of children and monkeys so that he could become the King Kong of pop.

seem kind of like this guy (in terms of major public figures who died/were assassinated):

And on June 23rd, 3 days ago for me, Ed Mcmahon died from no specific cause of death, but was said to have been suffering from a “multitude of health problems the last few months.” Again, this sounds fishy. Sure, Edward Mcmahon (are you paying attention to the names because there is something that they all have in common, aside from the obvious use of vowels and consonants?) was 86 and had recently been hospitalized for pneumonia (or was it bone cancer?–either way, there are suspicious circumstances surrounding his demise).

And then there is Mr. Kung-Fu himself:

David Carradine, found dead in a hotel in Japan on June 4th in Bangkok from an apparent attempt at auto asphyxiation gone awry (either that or it was ninjas working for the Bangkok underground trying to stop Carradine’s on man crusade against the dark underbelly of Thailand’s capitol city) is the fourth celebrity to die this month.

Don't mess with the ninja, they will hang you and tie a string around your wee wee

Where are Steven Segal and Jean Claude Van Damme when you need them?

These two are the reason Caine no longer walks the earth.

I mean, if nothing else they could have provided a cannon fodder type distraction, sacrificing themselves so that Carradine could go all Caine on the ninjas sent to take his life in a most dishonorable fashion, and the world would totally win because Carradine would still be alive and we would finally be without Messrs. Segal and Van Damme. A win win for everybody if you ask me (well except for Van Damme and Segal, I suppose, but who really cares about them?)

So David Carradine, Ed Mcmahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson are all dead, and under mysterious circumstances. Fawcett, in fact, is the only  one whose cause of death is clear, but that makes it all the more suspicious. the scent of foul play is in the air.

But, if we are going to talk about conspiracy, we need to ask the question, what linked all four of these people together? Well, they were all celebrities, and they were all extremely popular in the 70’s. Mcmahon was popular for decades, but the 70’s and 80’s really were his bread and butter, and the same goes for Jacko. So they were all popular celebrities. That is not enough to build a conspiracy upon. Still, though, it is a little too convenient that these four actual celebrities (not celebutants like Paris Hilton et al) passed away under less than clear circumstances.

There seems to be no motivation behind these deaths–just weird circumstance, alleged drug use, cancer, or death by ninja–but that does not mean that one does not exist. They could have been preparing to form an All Star superpowered Celebrity Crime Fighting Team, and their first stop was Bangkok to meet up with Carradine, their leader and mentor. Mcmahon would have been the technology expert, and the dude who did the talking when shit needed to be said. Fawcett, obviously, would be the sexy distraction who could strangle you with her long blond and flowing hair. Jackson would be the agile sneak (don’t call him a ninja) that could not only pund your ass with the big white cast on his arm, but also shatter your ear drums and nearby windows with his perfect pitch voice. And when you are lying on the floor bruised all over and with your shattered ears drums bleeding, he would moonwalk all over you, just to show you that he could do it.

This is a scary celebrity team, and one that would be a force worth reckoning with. Hell, I doubt even this guy:

The Super team of Carradine, Mcmahon, Fawcett and Jackson plagues my dream and turns them to nightmares. Won't somebody please hold me?

would stand much of a chance against them, and for that they had to die. I’d be willing to put money on the fact that they did die because they were forming a super celebrity team and that their ultimate goal was the elimination of Chuck Norris because he is too dangerous to let live. Mr. Norris, upon hearing this, sent his minions, led by this gal:

to distract and take care of Mr. Carradine. Once this happened, the rest of the team was easy to eradicate because as awesome as they all were, they were listless and adrift in this big bad world without their mentor, leader, and friend. Carradine was like Charlie, and the others were his Angels, old, creepy and wrinkled, but Angels nonetheless, and as we all know, once Charlie is out of the picture, the Angels run around helplessly like the morons they are.

And one final thing. Remember when I asked if you were paying attention to the names of the celebrities that have died? Well here is why:

Farrah Fawcett is four syllables. David Carradine is five syllables. Ed Mcmahon is three syllables and Michael Jackson is four. The average number of syllables in these names is four. That’s right: four deaths, four syllables per death, and because of this, any of the above names could be substituted for Farrah Fawcett in The Vandals song The Day Farrah Fawcett Died.

Think about it.

Neverending Saga of the Broken Nose part 3

On Wednesday I had to go to the criminal police here in Liberec to once again give a statement about what happened in December (I was mugged and had my nose broken).

The whole thing was a complete waste of time, and really it just consisted of me repeating myself for almost five hours. It’s really not worth talking about, but it has been a while since I’ve written on this here blog, and I am just trying to get back into the swing of things.

What bothers me the most about the whole ordeal on Wednesday is that nothing will come of it. Sure, they have a suspect in custody, but he is a juvenile so chances are that nothing will happen to him really. Beyond that, there is no way that I am going to get compensation for the stolen camera, the broken ipod, and the medical bills. The money and items are not that important to me (sure, it would be nice to get them back) but my time is important, and for me to have spent nearly five hours repeating myself for pretty much nothing is frustrating. I have decided that if the police want to talk to me again (and the detective working the case said it was a real possibility) that I am not going to talk to them, unless of course they make me.

I am over and done with this whole thing. If I get the compensation, great, if not, that is fine too. It is not worth the time, effort, or the stress of having to actively remember and concentrate on the mugging. It happened. It sucked. I just want to put the whole thing behind me and move on, but unfortunately I can’t if I’m going to have to continue talking to the cops about this.

Oh, and one final, small thing, the entire time I was there I was not offered any kind of refreshment, no water, no coffee, no tea. Nothing. A little thing, to be sure, but frustrating nonetheless.

No wonder people dislike cops

A cop in Denver CO allegedly pulled his gun on a McDonald’s drive-thru employee because his order was taking too long. This is insanse to me. The cop was off duty, but he is still a cop and should know that it is unacceptable to behave in this way. The last time I checked (and it has been a while, I admit) the motto of the police is: To Protect and Serve, not to Menace and terrorize.

I want to be clear that I am not disparaging police in general. I am glad they are there, risking their lives to maintain the peace, but that does not mean that they should be allowed to do whatever they want. I am glad this jerk-hole got suspended, and I really hope that he loses his job and faces some jail time (and if not, then at least a major fine) for this incident. There is simply no reason to pull your gun on a fast food worker because the order is taking too long. What, was he thinking, “Oh I know, if I brandish my weapon at this clerk working the window (you know the guy taking the money and pouring the drinks, but not the one actually “cooking” the food) that will speed things up because hey, it’s not like he will have to clean up the feces running down his leg because he just shit himself because I brandished my weapon at him (for the record, I do not know if the worker defecated on himself, but I find the image plausible and funny)?

Oh, and to ice the proverbial cake, the cop sped off without paying for the food. I do not know if he had his order or not, but in any case, this could possibly be considered armed robbery. After all, he orderd food that he did not pay for, and he he used a weapon. I know, I might be reaching here, but hey anything is possible.

Weird Stuff

So here is a weird/creepy picture.

And here is the article that explains just what the hell this kid is wearing on his head.

For those that don’t want to click on the link, basically the thing is called Pedi-Sedate and it is an Game-Boy attachment used in doctor’s/dentist’s offices to sedate the kids while they play the game. Apparently this makes surgeries and other medical procedures easier, and (I had to read it twice before I was sure of what I was seeing) makes it possible for LESS SKILLED workers to perform important tasks in the surgery. As if it wasn’t scary enought that the kid is getting doped by his Gameboy, but now someone who may or may not have the proper skills/qualifications is going to be involved in an important medical procedure? It seems kind of ass-backwards to me, but hey, I’m not a scientist or a doctor so what do I know?

And some other weirdness The Husband Hunting Bra Ah, the joys of technology and lingerie.

Broken Nose Neverending Saga pt2

So that post I wrote yesterday, or was it the day before?, is no longer valid. Apparently, the police wanted me to come in and identify one of my attackers, only they realized today that they aren’t sure if they picked up the right guy in the first place so I wait until they confirm they have the right person for me to confirm.

Very Orwellian. Oh well, at least I know that I am not in any trouble, and I don’t have to deal with the cops just yet. In the meantime here is a picture of me and my sister in Liberec.

The never ending saga of a broken nose in the Czech Republic

So I got an email today from the Czech police. Here it is in full:

My colleague constable Mr Zeman asked me to write you that he needs to take minutes of examination of a witness ( your bodily assault before Christmas)
The translator is able to come only on 29.4. at 14.30. so Mr Zeman asks you to come to the police station in Pastýřská Street 3, Liberec
My colleague will contact you at work ( English Department ) on Monday or Tuesday
Have a nice weekend

Now, I don’t know what this “examination of a witness” business is all about, but I don’t like the sound of it. Then I got a call from my boss saying that the police called her and told her that I had to go to the police station. I teach during the time when I am supposed to go to the station, so I had to go to my boss’s office so we could arrange something. While I was in there she told me that this Constable Mr. Zeman informed her that the matter is “very complicated” and “so important” that if I do not speak to the police that I might never get to leave the country (cue scary music)…FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not too worried about all of this nonsense. I mean, it’s not like I started the fight, stole anything, or hurt anyone. In fact it was I who was attacked, robbed, and suffered bodily harm. Still, I wish I knew what the hell this was all about, but more than that, I just wish that it would go away. This happened five months ago, and if justice hasn’t been served yet, I doubt it will be. That thought annoys me a little, but whatever. I really just don’t care anymore. What happened happened, I survived with really no permanent harm done. It is a bigger a hassles than it is worth because it is not like I am going to get my money or camera back (and by money I mean the nearly 6,000kc I had to spend on medical bills because I was uninsured at the time). For those of you who don’t know what that means and are too lazy to google, 6,000kc is a little more than half of what I earn each month, or about 300 dollars. It isn’t much, really, but when you earn a little less than 600 dollars a month, half of that is a big deal.

Still, I will never see that money or the camera again, and I think all this trip to the police station is going to do is cause me more stress and take time away from my job. Nothing productive will come out of it, except that I might not have to stay in the country FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE…which really wouldn’t be so bad except that I am in the Center of Europe and have many places I want to travel to.

Is there a Senator of Minnesota yet?

This is just getting ridiculous, and I feel bad for the people of Minnesota because of the long drawn out process of trying to seat a new Senator, whether it is Al Franken or Norm Coleman. I mean seriously, this thing is still going on? The election was in November, and yes it may have been too close to call, and there were cries of voter fraud from both sides. But you know what, it looked like (even then) that Franken had pulled it out. Of  course, Normy either wouldn’t or couldn’t accept that and so many appeals/recounts/and much douchebaggery later the good people of Minnesota still do not have their full representation in Congress.

I can’t believe how stupid and asinine this whole thing has been. Coleman should accept that he lost, move on, and let Franken get to the job of representing the people of Minnesota in the Senate. In a time where politicians constantly talk about doing what is right and good for the country, it is time for some of them to do just that. Not having a full government does not help anyone, except maybe those crazies who want the government to fail, because without a full government, people are going to be left behind. That is not to say that government won’t leave folks behind anyway, but at least with a full Senate we can still operate under the illusion that the government is whole and working toward the common goal of keeping America strong, healthy, and wealthy. I know it does not work like that, but it is nice to dream.

It seems, though, that I am not the only one who wants this mess in Minnesota to be done with. In fact, it appears that many Minnesotaians (Minnesotaites?) themselves want Franken seated, and Coleman to go crawl under whatever rock he came out of. To me what is interesting about this whole mess, aside from how long it has gone on (which is pretty mind boggling when you think that it has almost been six months since the election and they still haven’t resolved the issue) but how much money has been spent on this process. And guess what, it is the Republican guy that is spending most of that money. He is wasting millions of tax payer dollars because he is too proud to admit that he lost, and yet we hear very little about how much money he is wasting. If it were Franken spending all that money, though, you bet your assets (what little of them you have left) that media pundits would be all over the story. But since it’s republican Coleman the condemnation is quieted because the right/republicans need all the help they can get in the House and Senate since they have no majority and are close to powerless.

Snakes on a Plane, for real, yo!

Some baby pythons of the non-venemous variety were being transported in a styrofoam container with airholes punched in the top across Australia in a small passenger plane. When the plane landed, it was discovered that four of the buggers had escaped from their makeshift carry-all, and were nowhere to be found. It is not known if the snakes escaped the plane after it landed, or if they just up and disappeared, but one thing is certain: Snake Daddy Yig probably won’t be too happy to know that not only were some of his children put in a box and then taken up in the air, but that four of them were then lost.

Also, he probably won’t be too happy when he hears what the humans did when they discovered that they could not find the snakes on the plane. After searching the small plane and finding no signs of the slithery things, authorities fumigated the plane, just to make sure that those split tongue serpents wouldn’t wreak havoc on any further flights. Thus far, no bodies have been found.

What happened to those snakes? I don’t know. I do know this, however, those involved in this incident best watch out. Yig is patient, cruel, and always gets his revenge, so if those snakes came to any harm because of actions taken by the pilot or airport crew, they had better watch out and get some strong Native American medicine, otherwise they will find themselves, and their offspring turned in half man half snake creatures, kinda like the Snakeman from that movie Dreamscape only not as rubbery and without the pederastic sensibilities. Though I bet Dennis Quaid could still kick their asses.

More Scandal on the Baliout

Apparently, some of the banks, business firms, and automakers that have received government bailout money, have been contributing some of that money to those in Congress that voted for the bailout in the first place.

I know, I couldn’t believe it either, but according to RawStory, it is true.

I find this absolutely ridiculous, and it pisses me off more than the fact that AIG and others were using the bailout money to provide bonuses for their executives. I mean that situation pissed me off. I haven’t written about it because I don’t feel that I have anything new to add to the dialogue (EVERYBODY’S talking about it), but at least with those jerks it was a company issue. The company was using government money to reward poor operation of the company, but there were no governmental ties. It was just another case of a corporation taking advantage of others, and really, can we be surprised at that? No. That’s what corporations do, it is what they have always done, and it is what they will continue to do if left to their own devices.

But to use some of the bailout money to contribute to campaign funds for politicians that had a hand in passing the bailout in the first place? That reeks of a whole new smell of shit. It is cronyism and bribery and should be illegal. True, the contributions are small in comparison to the amount of money given to these ass hat companies, but the size of the donation does not matter. The outrage here is not that the corporations are misusing the bailout funds, though that certainly is an issue, but how they are misusing them. How is it legal, or even okay, to give government officials money from funds that they have given to you? It is almost as if these members of Congress donated to themselves, using government money.

Oh wait, that’s exactly what they did. In an attempt to lessen the backlash against the government some Senators and Representatives have said that they will not accept donated money from bailed out companies. That’s all well and good, but I have a few questions.

One: How long will that last? These companies were bailed out now because they had to be. What happens when they become economically viable again? Will it then be okay to accept campaign donations? It seems to me that the answer will be yes, but that it should be no. In fact, I don’t think that anyone should be able to donate money to political campaigns. Campaigns should not be about how much money you have, or can raise. They should be about the issues. All candidates running for office of any kind should be provided a set amount from the government, and that should be all they have to spend. That might be a good first step in cleaning up the dirt that has crept so far into our political system that it is ruining everything. Like sand in a swimsuit, it simply has to get washed out.

Two: How is this allowed to happen? Why wasn’t there some kind of oversight that would deny these types of contributions in the first place? By bailing out these companies, the government, and by extension the American People, took control of them. That should have made it easy to prevent this kind of thing from happening, but instead it appears that it just made it easier.

Three: What is going to happen to the people that accepted these donations? If the candidate themselves did not know where the money came from, someone in their campaign did and should have taken the necessary steps to keep that dirty government turned corporate turned government from entering the campaign coffers. Chances are nothing will happen to those that accepted these kinds of donations. They might get yelled at, asked to resign or return the money, but in the end they will issue and apology, and that will be that. Unless, of course, we as Americans (whatever our political creed–we are still AMERICANS) tell them to get bent and use our power as citizens and voters to show them that we are sick of being fleeced and financially raped for the benefit of those who are supposed to be looking out for us.

The power to vote is a small and delicate one. It is also one that is easily subverted by hot button issues that really have nothing to do with the state of the nation, Homosexual marriage, or whether creationism can be taught in school, are two prime examples of distracting issues. Sure, they are important to people, and they need to be addressed, but not before things like national security, financial stability, and how to achieve those things.

It is at times like this that I am both glad and sad that I am not living in America right now. Glad because I do not have to deal with this crap on a daily basis. Sad because I do not have to deal with this on a daily basis and have no real chance to affect any kind of activity for change except through this blog which does not reach nearly enough people, and is too inconsistently updated to have much of an impact anyway.

Joe the Schmuck Need SEX!

Yeah, so the douchebag plumber is back in the news for some reason. I feel gross just writing about him and helping to keep this ridiculous so called “political career/speaker” alive, but this one was just too much.

In a recent address to a conservative group the moronic ex”Israeli war correspondent”–how long did that last? says that he is horny from all the love in the room. Here is the video:

Now, I don’t have a problem with people being horny, whether they are conservative or liberal, but what gets me is that he makes this statement to a roomful of conservatives and they laugh like it’s no big deal, which it isn’t. Him telling a roomful of elitist, snobbish, prudish folks that he’s horny and getting a laugh from them is fine in my book.

So what’s the problem? Well, and I could just be speaking out of ass here because I have no proof for anything I am about to say (but that doesn’t stop Rush or Joe or Sara or any of those twits on Fox News), but I’m going to go on a little rant anyway.

It seems to me that if the conservative movement really wants to be conservative, and espouse those values to the American citizenry, then they should not laugh at jokes like this. Liberals are horny, remember. We are horny godless people who want everyone to become homosexuals who are addicted to marijuana. Conservatives are here to save us from those evil liberals, and how can they do that if they are openly laughing at dirty jokes.

True Schmucky McSchmuckmuck Plumber Guy is not a politician, but he does seem to have become a spokesperson of sorts for the conservatives and the Republican party, which is asinine in and of itself, but that’s okay with me. I have nothing against conservative values, per se, but I definitely prefer more liberal ones, so if the Cons want to choose this moron to speak for them, that is okay in my book because that just means the conservatism will move closer to liberalism, and maybe we can really start putting this country back together.

It isn’t just the horny remark that kind of angered me–well angered isn’t the right word, I guess stupefied would be better–but the indication that only Conservatives care about working hard to fix the country. He mentions that they are going to have to get up and put in lots of overtime to make this country great again (or something like that. I don’t have a transcript of the tape, and while I’ve watched it twice, I refuse to watch it again). See, says we, which is an inclusive word, but he is addressing a roomful of conservatives, which to me implies that he thinks they are the only ones who care about putting the USA back on the right track. If he has said something like, we as Americans, or all Americans, then I could probably let this slide, and not even have been bothered with this post. But since he didn’t, I got a little riled up.

Also, I have to wonder who he thinks will pay him for that over-time because that sure isn’t a conservative idea. Sure, Cons believe that they should get paid for their work, but if that work cannot get done in 8 hours, too bad, you still have to finish the work, and eat those extra hours. Sorry Joe, you should have been working harder, you shouldn’t have taken that 10 minute break or had lunch.

So again Joe the Douche demonstrates how much of a twit he really is, while shedding further light on the disconnection from the Conservative movement and the general American public, some of whom, of course, are Conservatives, but I would argue that a lot of conservatives will begin to take issue with the amount of speaking time and conservative focus this moron is getting.