Oh Happy Day!

I just read a Yahoo news item that made me smile. For the first time in 13 years, the New York Yankees will not be in the playoffs. This elates my spirit beyond reasoning and description. I simply cannot convey how happy this makes me. I want to run and skip and sing and clap my hands. I want to grab the nearest woman and plant a big wet slobbery kiss on her ala that famous photo of the sailor and the woman after the victory in world war two.

I want to rush down the street of this foreign town in which I live, hollering for joy and administering high fives to everyone I pass. I don’t care if they don’t understand me or the gesture; I just want to celebrate. I want to drink 5 liters of beer and howl at the sun, my upturned face looking into the blanket of gray overhead, the rain softly falling on me. I want to click my heels and pinch myself, just to make sure this is not a dream.

Am I over-reacting? Maybe. Do I care? Not in the least. I HATE the Yankees. HATE them! I know it’s a strong word, and that it is not good to hate, but I cannot help it. Why do I hate the Yankees? Derek Jeter, Roger Clemens, Gorge Steinbrenner (or however the hell you spell it), and so many more reasons I could be here all day, and as I write about these jerks, I feel my elation turning to anger, so I need to stop.

Just know that I am happy that a team that has spent so much money, and has had people lining up to service them sexually forever finally have fallen (at least a little) from grace. Of course, just because the Yankees are not in the playoffs does not meant that they will be entirely absent from the pennant. If only.

No, now we’re (or I should say those who watch the pennant and the series–they don’t watch baseball in the CZ, playoff or not) going to have to listen to Joe Buck and whoever the other douche-bag announcers for the Pennant are talk about the lack of Yankees in the playoffs.

It’ll probably go something like this: “Well gee, douche-bag number two, it just doesn’t feel like October without the Yankees. They are to the major league baseball playoffs like apple pie is to America. I’m still in shock.”

“Me too, douche-bag number one (Joe Buck). I just can’t fathom it. And they were so close too, just one or two Boston losses, and the boys in the pinstripes would be here taking the field. It’s a sad day for New York and baseball in general to see such a significant and stunning streak come to an end.”

And on and on and on. I’m glad I won’t be able to watch the Pennant this year because if there is one thing I dislike more than watching the Yankees in the playoffs, it’s hearing about them when they aren’t even playing.

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