What 80’s movies taught me.

The geek sometimes gets a girl (maybe not THE GIRL but a girl nonetheelss–Sixteen Candles reference insert, specifically Farmer Ted who gets the hot and drunk and kinda slutty gal pal of Jake Ryan) and sometimes gets THE GIRL (Revenge of the Nerds)–and of course “No one’s really going to be free until Nerd persecution ends.”

I couldn’t find a good clip to demonstrate the lesson (though it does show Farmer Ted in the car with Caroline), so I guess you will just have to watch the movie, if you haven’t seen it.

A dude can be a total jerk and still get the girl with the stipulation he has to demonstrate that he really does care about her. This clip also includes another great lesson from 80’s movies–hot food smashed into your face will not burn, but will elicit nothing but laughter and mockery from onlookers. He doesn’t prove his love for her in this scene, that comes later, when he takes on a nasty vampire in order to save her from the eternity of a day-less existence.

Here is where he proves his true and noble love for the neophyte bloodsucker.

Pay your paperboy.

Seriously, pay the paper boy unless you want him to go out and rally his delivery boy corps come harass your ass!

He really wants his two dollars, can’t swim, and is a tab bit unstable. Save yourself the trouble and pay him already!

If you are such a cheapskate that you didn’t give the paperboy his two dollars and refuse to ever do so then let it be known that there is only one way to rid yourself of him forever is to ski down the K-12 on one ski in a misguided attempt to win your ex-girlfriend back because you don’t realize that she sucks and you have already found someone better–watch the movie if you don’t know what I am talking about.

Never accept a gift from the owner, or anyone associated with, really, of a new attraction in town, it can only end badly.

Two Examples:

There are many more lessons that 80’s movies can teach us, I am sure, but I am too tired to think of them right now.

So I leave you with this, which is quite possibly the most important movie lesson in existence:

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2 comments on “What 80’s movies taught me.

  1. mcarteratthemovies says:

    I can’t believe Jake Ryan up and disappeared after “Sixteen Candles.” He could have had a long career of playing the hunk in ’80s movies, and now I think he’s a carpenter or something. Guess he couldn’t take the Hollywood grind …

    Oh, and don’t think I’ve forgotten about the care package! Money’s been a bit tight but payday is Friday (WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO), so the package will be assembled and sent soon thereafter! 🙂

    • It is kind of curious that Jake went nowhere after Sixteen Candles. Hey, no worries about the care package; it’s the thought that counts, right? So I will wait patiently and without expectation, and when it gets here I will let you know. Thanks again for the thought because it is pretty darn tooting (yes I just wrote that) sweet.

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